Chapter Seven – The Motivation to Change

Unlike the last chapter, titled the Five Discoveries, this chapter begins to break down the five discoveries a person needs to make in order to be a truly effective, emotionally intelligent leader.

The First Discovery: The Ideal Self

The concept here is that in order to move toward the kind of person and leader you really want to be, you must first be able to visualize the person you truly want to be. The authors explain that we are basically programmed by authority figures throughout life (parents, teachers, bosses) to be a certain way. The call this the “ought self.” When we accept this, it becomes a box or a cage that defines us. For example, many companies assume that people want to “move up the ladder” so all development and performance markers are built around that goal. This is not the case for everyone, so many people are left working toward a goal that they don’t really want.

They suggest that the journey to discovering your true self is easier for people today in their 20s and 30s because this generation does a better job and seeking balance in life and defining who they want to be, rather than allowing society to tell them who to be. They discuss the distinction between philosophy and values. Values, they say, change throughout your life when life events and experience alter our perception of what’s important (having a child, losing a loved one, career growth, etc.). However, your  “philosophy” is what dictates how you ID your values through life. So, it’s important to understand your inner philosophy about yourself and your interaction with the world around you. This list three examples of philosophies, which seemed a bit broad/vague to me:

1)   Pragmatic- Usefulness determines worth (of ideas, of people, etc.)

2)   Intellectual – Understanding the world is of paramount importance so ideas and people with structure are highly valued.

3)   Humanistic – Personal relationships are of utmost importance.

While your beliefs and values may change, this lens does not. As you grow and discover what challenges excite or frustrate you, you become better at being able to evolve yourself toward an ideal state. Their discussion of this obviously follows more of a work structure, than a personal structure. They give the example of mid life career changes happening to people more frequently these days as people take advantage of the insight life and experience gives them to move toward a career they find more fulfilling than the one they chose when they were 20 or 30. Once you know who you want to be, through a process of self-reflection (which they’re a bit vague on), you can set a goal and begin working toward it.

The Second Discovery – The Real Self

This step involves looking in the virtual mirror and truly seeing yourself for the person you are, not the person you think or hope you are. They talk about the normal human psychology of insulating yourself from information that might undermine our self-constructed images. The problem, they say, is when this natural defense goes too far and a person’s sense of self is completely distorted. In a nutshell, if we these “vital lies” too fully, we tend to give more weight to input that supports the distorted image of self and we tend to discount the information that contradicts it. I thought of this as the difference between assimilation and accommodation in learning. When we receive new information, we either assimilate it into existing paradigms, or if the new info doesn’t fit, we either discount it, or accommodate our paradigms a bit to accept this new information. Their research has found that the most emotionally intelligent leaders seek out negative feedback as well as positive so they can adjust what they know (and the associated behaviors) when necessary.

The core of this discovery is taking stock of the elements of yourself that you truly treasure and making sure you support and continue to preserve them…as well as the parts you’d like to change or adapt in order to become the “you” you identified in the first discovery. Again, this section (and the whole book I suppose) is a bit theoretical rather than giving practical tools to use in this process. They discuss the notion that you are a different person depending on the environment you’re in (with your peers, your clients, your direct reports, the front line crew, your family, your friends, etc.). For this reason, they encourage leaders to seek out 360 degree assessments of their strengths and weaknesses (from all cross sections of the business).

The last piece they talk about is creating a personal balance sheet. Just like you might make a list of assets and liabilities from a financial standpoint, they encourage leaders to create a balance sheet of their strengths and weaknesses. Obviously, once you have an objective list of these items, you’ll need to address the gaps, but they suggest doing this by focusing on your strengths (again, vague). But they also say it’s important to focus on bolstering and maintaining your “signature themes” or strengths. They give the example of former Southwest Airlines CEO, Herb Kelleher, who had a great sense of humor. He infused into his practices everywhere and, as a result, playfulness became an organizational strength of this airline, which differentiated it from it’s competitors. The next chapter goes into the final three discoveries.